The Brazen Hussy Dilemma

 

Last weekend, I finally picked up (after a few months) one of the holy grails of junking: Meet Marilyn! Nancy, who sold it to me, had named her Melinda, but given her *um* somewhat zaftig physique, I renamed her Marilyn. As in Marilyn Monroe. I think we all know by now that Marilyn (the iconic hottie) was a size 12+, which no self-respecting model/actress nowadays would even contemplate. Too bad that's smaller than the average woman (but, phew, larger than me). She's no Frenchie, nor a solid, old, round-the-block, century-old gal. She's gotta be somewhat newer, as her form is foam. 

 

But, she's a Singer. I considered naming her "Chanteuse" just because I took 4 years of French and don't get a chance to use it often, and kinda liked the play on words. But, it doesn't quite work. In any event, I know she's a hussy! Get a load of that abomination! I'm not judging or anything, but either some critter got ahold of her (same fate as my washing-machine hose), or she has a kinky sex life that I can't even contemplate. Accordingly, I've been wracking my brain as to how to make her presentable for not only public viewing, but for major ducats (aka coinage). Here's the options I came up with:

 

Doily? Hankie? Gloves (continuing the kinky vein)? Floral patch? Or squirrel chew-toy? Guess which one my sister suggested.... 

Seriously, help me out. I'm ready to waste a Friday night making her decent, sparing her eternal indignity. What would you do?

Comments

[martina]

A pink girlie tool belt, with a hammer covering the er um..flaw. Or a tutu. Or a patch that says "curves ahead". I think the glove idea is great-but not as fun as the squirrel toy.

[georgiapeachez]

Well, it would be hard for me to leave it at just a patch. #4 is the most like a knee (or butt) patch I guess. Bring her to Hampton and we can fix her up with a new slipcover that's plenty tea-stained and gnarly.

[Tamra]

Since the tear is on her bum, I suggest a mans glove place ever so gently cupping her, um.....well you get the picture, lol.

[Sarah]

JEALOUS! And I love that you named her Marilyn!

I think no. 2 or no. 4 look best and I would place some more around her, too ... maybe add some costume jewelry? Necklaces draped around her and pin some brooches on?

I actually did a guest post awhile back about my obsession with dressforms: http://www.betsywhite.com/flightsoffancy/index.php/2009/11/classic-finds-dress-forms/

And the hubby and I are moving to Germany in July so I'm hoping I can score some authentic French ones soon! ;o)

[Jan]

Oh..definitely the gloves!
Marilyn is a good name, but, I also like Chantel..thats a good frenchie name.
:)

[jojo]

We are all kinky! My vote is for the gloves as well. However, I do like the tool belt idea too! jojo

[jewelee]

I like #3 the gloves. And # 1 the lace doily and if you have a similar doily separate the circles and sprinkle a few on her hip in the front right below the waist.

Another thought... transfer one of you favorite vintage photos (or graphics from an old suitcase label) onto some old linen. I think Cathe Holden from Just Something I Made has done tutorials on that. Her latest post on the bottom of the last page is a beautiful Spencerian Bird with a banner where you could put Marilyn's name. It could be kind of a nod to a vintage tattoo just right for a brazen hussy.

Has Cody voted for the squirrel?

[Renee]

I like both the doilie and the gloves. But I read Jewelee's post and now I think a faux tattoo would be way too cute!

[Cheryl]

I like the gloves, with the doily as a close second. I like the vintage tattoo idea also!

[Rebecca]

Before I even read the other comments, I was going to vote "gloves". Glad to see I am in good albeit kinky company.

[Cheryl]

Hmmm I'd do none of the above. I'd recover the whole darn thing. Course, I'm like that. If you go to my blog, you'll see one of my dress forms I recovered with a pinned up the back slipcover made using shabby chic fabric. Here is the linky: http://cheryl-comfort.blogspot.com/2010/01/cupid.html
~Cheryl

[Kathy]

How bout a patch that says "Junk in the Trunk"

[Mary]

The gloves are cute...or how about a stuffed animal hanging off the butt sort of like the old Coppertone ad?

[svelteSTUFF]

LOVE the GLOVE!
or maybe and elbow length LEATHER GLOVE?!

[Jamie]

too cute what if you were able to find a cool vintage girdle that would hug the curves and cover the area?

[JUDY]

WELL, THE POOR GIRL DOES NEED A LOT OF HELP! I REALLY LIKE A LOT OF THE SUGGESTIONS ABOVE, OR HOW ABOUT A CORSET WITH MAYBE SOME GATHERED NETTING PEEKING OUT AT THE BOTTOM TO COVER UP THE GNAWED OFF AREA OF HER TUSH! I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE ONE IN HOT PINK WITH BLACK LACE! THAT'S SORT OF MARILYNISH, RIGHT? MAYBE YOU COULD ALSO FIT THE SQUIRREL IN SOMEWHERE TOO!

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY AND LEAVING A COMMENT. YOU HAVE NOW ENTERED MY CONTEST, REMEMBER, THE MORE OFTEN YOU COMMENT, THE MORE CHANCES YOU HAVE OF WINNING!

P.S. THIS POST MADE ME CHUCKLE!

[Gina V]

I had been thinking a vintage corset/lingerie/apron something but LOVE the tattoo idea! Perfect!

And for obvious reason, the patch would be cool too! :)
(I'm still a slowwww work in progress, Sue, but hoping very very soon) You'll be the first to know!

[Gina V]

Addition to the above post -- the obvious reason didn't show up. And then I couldn't delete! Arg the technology learning curve!

(Sue has been mentoring me on the wonders of blogdom and I am working on my blog-- http://www.vintagejunkinmytrunk.typepad.com/)

but it is still in its early infancy stage... so please bear with me fellow junkers!

[Zita-Mlle Magpie]

I like the doily and gloves idea. But I would put up multiples of the same thing all over, for a "display" effect that detracts from that flaw of hers.

[birdcolor]

gloves! hands down....pardon the pun.

[HRF]

# 5 for me, Tail down, sort of a Cat Women look!